Don’t start out by co-opting the subject’s pain.
Don’t continue by drawing minute and irrelevant distinctions in their facts; such as quibbling between 8 times out of 9 or 9 times out of 9.
Don’t victim blame.
Especially don’t victim blame children.
Don’t mischaracterize the subject’s personality in an effort to avoid responsibility.
After all of that, definitely don’t say “I apologize” like it’s supposed to mean something.